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Passive-Aggression

Passive Aggressive Behavior

Reviewed by Psychology Today Staff

Passive aggression is a way of expressing negative feelings, such as anger or annoyance, indirectly instead of directly. Passive-aggressive behaviors are often difficult to identify and can sabotage relationships at home and at work.

Contents

What Is Passive Aggression?

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Instead of getting visibly angry, some people express their hostility in passive-aggressive ways designed to hurt and confuse their target. Most people will have to deal with passive aggression from others in their personal and professional lives at one time or another: a roommate who leaves a sweet-yet-scolding note about the one cup that was left unwashed, for example, or the report a colleague keeps "forgetting" to finish.

Nagging or getting angry only puts the passive-aggressive person on the defensive-often resulting in them making excuses or denying any responsibility. Recent research shows that there are healthier ways to confront passive aggression and handle relationship conflict.

What causes passive aggression?

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Passive aggression stems from deep anger, hostility, and frustration that a person, for whatever reason, is not comfortable expressing directly. When dealing with passive-aggressive behavior, it’s important to understand that beneath all of those snide remarks lies a deep unhappiness and sadness.

What are some examples of passive-aggressive behavior?

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Some common forms of passive aggression include avoiding responsibility for tasks, procrastinating and even missing deadlines, withholding critical information, and frequently underachieving relative to what one is capable of producing. This type of behavior can cause problems at home when the family cannot depend on a passive-aggressive individual to follow through on their promises. Passive aggression at work can sabotage group projects, resulting in unachieved goals.

How does passive-aggressive behavior affect others?

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Passive-aggressive behavior can be intensely frustrating for the target because it’s hard to identify, difficult to prove, and may even be unintentional. Passive aggression can lead to more conflict and intimacy issues, because many people struggle to have a direct and honest conversation about the problem at hand.

Why is passive-aggressive behavior dangerous?

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Passive aggression is particularly damaging in relationships. The target often feels frustrated and powerless, unable to secure the passive-aggressive person's cooperation. As a result, a person may fall into a pattern of enabling the partner’s passive-aggressive behavior, assuming all responsibility and taking on a parental role that they don’t want. Inevitably, the conflict will come to a head and need to be resolved if the relationship is to continue.

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How Do Passive-Aggressive People Act?

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While passive-aggressive behavior can be hard to pin down, experts agree on the most common signs, which include refusing to discuss concerns openly and directly, avoiding responsibility, and being deliberately inefficient.

The passively aggressive person often leaves a job undone or “almost” complete. They frequently run late and are masters at subtly sabotaging others when they disagree with a course of action. They often resort to the silent treatment or the backhanded compliment to get their point across.

How can you tell if someone is being passive-aggressive?

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These individuals will hide their anger instead of expressing it directly. Passive-aggressive behavior can take the form of words (e.g., blaming others or making excuses) or actions (e.g., giving someone the silent treatment). Some subtle but insidious kinds of passive aggression are diminished eye contact, persistent forgetting, and ignoring the targeted individual during a group conversation.

Are people aware when they’re being passive-aggressive?

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Not always. Some people are so used to pushing their anger deep down that they don’t even realize it’s there anymore. One major sign that someone engages in passive-aggressiveness in their relationships is if they don’t think they’re an “angry person” and don’t believe they experience anger with any regularity. They may find themselves saying “yes” when they mean “no” or using the role of the victim or martyr to gain attention.

Is passive-aggressive behavior controlling?

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It’s not uncommon for an individual to use passive aggression to get their way when they don’t like conflict. For instance, a parent who doe

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