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Low Sexual Desire

Hypoactive Sexual Desire

Reviewed by Psychology Today Staff

People normally differ in their degree of sexual appetite. There is no single standard of sexual desire, and desire differs not only from person to person but also for the same person over the course of a relationship.

One of the most common sexual complaints among couples is a disparity in sexual desire. Sexual desire can be low for a variety of reasons, many of them psychological and interpersonal. But that doesn't necessarily make it a disorder. It becomes a diagnosable condition only when it diminishes the quality of one's life and creates distress, or when a disparity arises in the sex drives of partners, evolving into a matter of unresolved contention in the relationship.

Loss of sexual desire can both result from relationship problems and cause them. Childhood sexual abuse also may inhibit sexual desire later in life.

Contents

What Is Low Sexual Desire?

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What constitutes "low" (or hypoactive) sexual desire is relative. Partners who use the degree of sexual desire experienced early in a relationship as a standard of comparison may label as a problem the drop in sexual desire and activity that often accompanies long-term partnerships.

Further, a person who experiences low sexual desire that is problematic relative to one partner may not experience any disparity in desire with a different partner. What is designated as one partner's low libido may more accurately reflect a hyperactive sex drive in the other partner. Sexual desire and responsiveness normally differ between men and women, and assumptions about sexual equivalency may falsely suggest the existence of hypoactive desire disorder.

What causes low sexual desire?

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The single biggest psychological cause of hypoactive sexual desire may be depression. Fatigue is up there, too, and a highly stressful lifestyle can have an impact on sex drive. People who have body image problems may also experience a lack of sexual desire. Decreased sexual desire is a well-established and common side effect of treatment with antidepressant drugs.

What are the symptoms of low sexual desire?

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Loss of sexual desire usually manifests as a lack of response to a partner's overtures for sexual activity. Symptoms of low sexual desire might also include sexual arousal disorder, erectile dysfunction, anxiety inhibiting sexual performance, a low level of sexual interest, a recurring lack of desire, and the absence of sexual fantasies.

Is my sex drive normal?

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How much sex-and desire for sex-is “healthy” depends on the individual. Levels of sexual desire can change for various reasons, and decreased desire doesn’t necessarily cause distress, though it can.

I'm not attracted to my partner anymore. What's going on?

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While a decline in sexual interest is normal to some degree in many long-term relationships, experts report that resentment is a major cause of libido loss, and it strikes men as well as women. Anger at a partner-for being overly critical, for being too dominant or too passive, for ignoring one's needs, for any reason at all-can dampen sexual desire, and is a culprit that couples therapists often look to address when discussing one person's lack of interest.

Should you meet your partner’s sexual needs at the expense of your own?

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People who constantly sacrifice their own needs to make their partner happy are often miserable and tend to suffer from low self-esteem; it is also unlikely that their partner realizes or appreciates their sacrifice. In a healthy relationship, both partners must find a balance where they are getting their sexual needs met.

How can I say no to sex without hurting my partner’s feelings?

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Explain why you’re saying no, and schedule time for sex in the near future. This reassures your partner that the rejection is not a sign of larger problems in the relationship. Find nonsexual activities to do with your partner that can reinforce your bond. The next time you’re feeling in the mood, don’t be afraid to initiate.

How does a history of abuse or trauma affect sexual desire?

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Many problems with low sexual desire can be traced back to adverse childhood experiences. Victims of abuse and those who have experien

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